22 May 2021, 11:10
Blood pressure too high.
For several days I had been feeling the blood racing through my body whenever I did a bit of housework or, even worse, when I went shopping wearing a face mask. But this morning, after a trip to the bakery for the obligatory Saturday morning rolls, I noticed that my blood pressure was without a doubt too high.
Despite perfectly fine readings in the morning (I measured every morning), I took my blood pressure straight away when I got home. 160/100, in other words dramatically high. I took it again immediately and it had already dropped to 140/95, and after five minutes I was at an acceptable 132/83.
I immediately rang the midwife, who advised me to take it easy and to check very regularly. If my blood pressure shot up again, I was to call her straight away.
24 May 2021, 16:00
The end of the pregnancy is in sight.
After 2 days of very lazily doing nothing, I felt slightly better, although I noticed that the pregnancy really could quietly come to an end now.
At 4 pm I got a phone call from midwife Alexandra to hear how I was feeling. She calmly took the time to talk and advised me to take things very easy.
Her colleague, midwife Patty, is a master of foot reflexology and would be treating my feet in the coming days to help get labour started.
Although I wanted everything to be as calm and natural as possible for my little boy, this did seem like a good option to me.
25 May 2021, 8:30
One last photo.
Halfway through my pregnancy I bought a white lace dress that I wanted to take some heavily pregnant photos in.
With all the busyness, but also the rest I had been taking over the last few days, it just never happened. That morning I suddenly had the feeling that I still had to do it, so I quickly took a few selfies with that big belly.
25 May 2021, 17:20
The gynaecologist.
Time for a final check-up.
I already knew that the foot reflexology would take place in 2 days and that it therefore wouldn't be long now. At the gynaecologist's, the stressful moments returned all the same: walking around with a face mask, pre-triage, waiting, renewed stress about the position of our little man and also the fear that there would once again be remarks about a home birth.
Our little boy was still in a good position (after being turned at 37 weeks), but not ‘engaged’ in the pelvis.
After the vaginal examination my blood pressure was sky-high again.
I had to go straight to the maternity ward for a CTG (monitoring the baby's heartbeat and any contractions), a blood test and a blood pressure profile. If the values weren't good, I would have to be induced immediately.
The tears stung behind my eyes.
25 May 2021, 18:20
The maternity ward.
When I arrived at the maternity ward, a friendly student took care of me straight away, took blood and hooked me up to the CTG machine while I lay on an incredibly uncomfortable trolley.
I looked around me and actually knew it right then: this is not the kind of place where I want my child to come into the world. Equipment everywhere, strange beds in which you can't cuddle up warmly with loved ones, sterile materials, no green plants or cosy cushions or well … just not home.
I immediately called midwife Patty (the foot reflexology specialist and the midwife on call) and explained the whole situation.
She suggested doing the foot reflexology the very next morning, after a good night's sleep. With a bit of luck the baby would then be there by Wednesday afternoon. Encouraged, I put the phone down until I looked at the screen of the CTG machine.
The stress and the blood raced through my body as I looked at the bad blood pressure readings.
25 May 2021, 19:40
Alone with my sadness.
When I was disconnected from the CTG and the blood pressure monitor, I didn't really need any further explanation. Still, it would have been nice if someone had said something to me. Instead, I sat all alone in the lonely waiting room and the tears rolled down my cheeks.
In the distance I heard the midwife on the phone with my gynaecologist, talking about ‘not being allowed to go home any more’ and ‘absolutely not OK’.
I sent Daniel a text:
Yentl: They're going to keep me here! That reading wasn't OK.
Daany: Yentl, they can't force you. Think of the hypnobirthing and ask the right questions: what is the risk.
25 May 2021, 20:00
The verdict.
I saw my gynaecologist walking towards me with a troubled face. An explanation wasn't really necessary any more and it was exactly what I expected.
A medical birth with medication, sweeping the membranes, blood pressure monitoring, CTG monitoring, gynaecologist, … in short, everything I didn't want.
The blood pressure reading was terrible, there was too much protein in my urine and the baby was so big that a little shoulder might get stuck, which would make it a difficult birth. I was actually supposed to stay in the hospital, but because I was alone and an induction couldn't take place until early the next morning anyway, I was allowed to go home to collect my things, arrange childcare for my children and come back with Daniel.
I tried to explain that at home, in peace and quiet, my blood pressure readings were well in the green, but it made no difference. Suddenly my birth was high-risk with pre-eclampsia and I would even have to stay for another 48 hours after the birth.
That was the moment the months of hypnobirthing preparation took over. Normally the job of the birth partner, but fully prepared, I suddenly found myself asking the right questions. What is the risk? What extra do you do in the hospital that can't be done at home? How is the baby doing?
25 May 2021, 21:00
Informing the troops!
Drove away from the hospital.
I hung up the phone with my midwife and typed “Rotselaar” into the sat nav while I called Daniel. However lonely I felt … I was not alone.
25 May 2021, 21:30
Calm.
After a short half hour I arrived in Rotselaar. Midwife Patty opened the door with the warmest smile and I felt the blood stop ‘racing’. I drank a little water and she asked if she could do another vaginal examination. After the vaginal examination, which really wasn't pleasant, she nodded and told me that the baby really was head down, properly engaged in the pelvis and ready to greet us.
After measuring my blood pressure once more with a good result, she treated my feet.
Not a soothing massage but targeted pinching and pressing on a few spots, ending with rubbing my belly with clary sage oil. Together we also phoned the hospital to hear the results of the blood test.
A few more homeopathic granules and the assurance that an induction would certainly not be necessary; this baby would come naturally.
Not that I could really believe it.
25 May 2021, 22:00
I am not going to give birth in the hospital.
On the way home my mind was made up: I am not going back to the hospital unless a life-threatening situation arises for the baby or for me.
My blood test results were fine, our little boy was doing fine and my blood pressure was normal. The risk lay in the blood pressure rising … which only happened when I got worked up and/or wore a face mask. Two situations that would inevitably occur in the hospital.
No, this baby would not experience the stress that I had gone through. Our little boy would be born in calm and joy.
26 May 2021, 23:00
Prepared for anything.
While Daniel made sure the pool was ready, I filled in the entire pile of paperwork the hospital had given me for admission and set out the emergency bag … just in case. Although my mind was made up, I did want to be prepared.
26 May 2021, 1:00
The first waves.
Gently I felt the waves (contractions) coming on. It felt more like vague stomach cramps and I could still rest well. I breathed along with them to give space to my baby and my womb.
Quietly, with every wave, I told my little boy that everything would be fine and that he would be brought into the world with just as much love as he was conceived with.
26 May 2021, 5:00
The calm before the storm.
Although I still barely felt anything of the waves, the tension inside me began to rise. I was expected at the hospital between 7 and 8, and I really wanted to have given birth before that hour, whatever it took. Or at least be too far into labour to still go to Tienen.
So at 5 o'clock I got up. Aurélie heard me walk past and flew out of her bed, fully dressed, asking whether it had started. I reassured her and told her to rest a little longer. I measured my blood pressure once more. 132/82. Fine.
I made some fortifying tea and quietly enjoyed the calm before the expected storm.
26 May 2021, 6:00
My waters breaking.
Although my waves were incredibly gentle, my waters suddenly broke. So the moment had come. I phoned the midwife and went to wake Daniel. I had a shower and sat down on a ball to give my pelvis more room.
Dress: Het Bevallingsjurkje
26 May 2021, 6:40
Green light after all.
The midwife arrived at our home and examined me. Blood pressure was fine and labour was well under way according to her. Since the hospital in Tienen is a 30-minute drive away, the blood pressure readings were fine and everything was ready, she thankfully agreed that we had best do the birth at home.
My waves were coming regularly but with a lot of time in between, and they were very gentle.
Suddenly I felt the intensity increase and I asked midwife Patty if I could get into the pool.
26 May 2021, 6:50
The hypnobirthing partner.
In the water it felt good to adopt whatever position was comfortable. In my case that was squatting, leaning over the edge. I did feel the pressure on my flanks increase a great deal. Daniel saw that I was struggling and put on the rainbow relaxation exercise, one of the anchors in hypnobirthing for staying calm. At the first harp sound I literally felt everything relax from my feet upwards. At the command to double my relaxation, I sank completely into a blissful haze. I lay there vaguely looking outside, at the leaves that were green, and enjoyed Daniel's gentle touches.
26 May 2021, 7:10
Pressure.
My body felt completely loose, soft and pain-free. Then came the pressure. Despite the deep relaxation, I could clearly tell Daniel that he had to call the midwife. She was at my side immediately and gently encouraged me to simply give in to it.
With the next wave I felt my womb positioning the little head for the exit.
During the pause I stroked my sweet little boy's head and wished him all the love in the world. One wave later his head was born.
Suddenly a scary story from the gynaecologist shot through my mind, in which she said that the body had to be born within six minutes of the birth of the head.
Because there was so much rest between each wave, I even said: it's not going to work; but before midwife Patty could reassure me, I felt my body pushing Linus out.
26 May 2021, 7:20
Linus was born.
Without any pain or stress, my little man swam down there between my legs. Gentle encouragement from the midwife to pick him up.
So there he was. A tiny soft little fish who immediately laid his head against me. So much love. My whole body was trembling and as I looked at the happy faces of Daniel, Aurélie and Ellis, I knew for certain that this was the very best decision I could ever have made.
The birth of a child is always something that stays with you for the rest of your life. But the calm and love that was there throughout the entire birth AND labour made it one of the most special and happiest moments of my life. The people I wanted were there, and I am very grateful and happy that I was able to give my Linus this gentle start.
Experiencing this birth up close was also a wonderful gift for my daughters, who have seen that giving birth doesn't have to be painful. Even though I explained to them that the birth of a first child can be just a little different, they feel confident; a body is made to have babies.
Later on they will also do ‘those silly relaxation and visualisation exercises’, because this really is something quite different from those birth videos they had seen.
Acknowledgements:
First and foremost a thank you to Daniel, who supported me from day one and stood by me through every decision, who loved our little son and took care of me.
But also to my two daughters, who showed all their love to their little brother through my belly and through thousands of small kindnesses.
Special thanks also to Vroedvrouwen Bolle Buik for their calm, knowledge and care. Thanks to them I had a dream birth in complete peace.
